I use this blog for many things when it comes to my creativity. But not only that. It’s quickly becoming a place to put my real thoughts out there and I appreciate that in ways you can’t imagine.
Right now, the topic is obvious enough, but allow me to clarify slightly.
Parents that don’t, or outright refuse, to understand. That take out there on frustrations on their kids. Make us into verbal punching bags when the mood strikes. And make it as if saying something back would be rude, because ‘hey, it’s your parent, they’re stressed’ and let’s not forget ‘I owe it to them’.
For reasons I will never understand, my mom has quite the habit of it. I’m not trying to be a bratty teenager. I’m quite mature, almost at the university stage and try to understand her frustrations as much as I possibly can. But, back to that, I’m a mentally unstable teenager who can’t always do that. I am nowhere near the perfect kid, my room is a mess, I’m forgetful and distracted and tend to seclude myself to my room. But that’s who I am. My mom is opinionated, strong, forceful and judgemental when it comes down to it. She just forgets that she’s my main parent figure and whatever she says has a huge and lasting effect, and recently she crossed a line.
So lately she’s been stuck on me about little things. Then I’m getting anxious this morning so I decide I’m going to go to lunch with my friend. She called and…some things were said to me that I don’t believe will be possible for me to forget.
That’s not what I plan to focus on though. I want to hand out some advice for the parents out there, from one of the kids in hopes that I help out in some way.
Listen. I do not know how I can emphasize this. But listen to your children, especially when they’re angry. Because whether they know it or not there is some kind of message there that they need you to understand and see. Think of it with the toddler days, temper tantrum usually translates into “I need a nap”. But please, just take a god damn second and consider what they say to you. Especially your teenagers. Don’t brush us off.
Your anger is your problem. This of course is my recent problem. Please, we have enough going on in our heads most of the time. Ranting is okay, but your problems and anger are yours, don’t shove them onto us with cruel words.
Give some space. As a near adult out there right now, the biggest thing I see is the result in others from too much coddling, too little, not enough space. Not enough leash in general. The best thing I can say to you, establish some rules and expectations. My mom sets them, for example, no pregnancy don’t really feel like that yet anyways, don’t put yourself in danger duh. Just those things that you don’t want us doing. But otherwise, let us free. We will make mistakes, it’s not always going to be easy. But my brother and I, him especially, have a close bond to our mom, we’re honest with her and that builds something really good. If you tell your kid no party, they’re probably going to sneak out. Tell them to call you if they need help, there’s no sneaking out, they’re safer and you know where they are. Can you see the benefits of this one? Let me know
Be understanding. I’m relating this one to myself very strongly. I suffer from several mental health disorders, my mom doesn’t. It means she simply doesn’t get that it’s more than being sad, or feeling anxious. It creates a heavy gap between her and I when I can’t talk to her about it because I know she doesn’t quite get it. Even if you can’t relate. Support. Be the shoulder and love they need. A lot of the time, that’s all that I will really need in my case.
Be open. This is really strong with the previous one. If you don’t understand something your kid is going through, ask! Try and get them to explain. That’s how you learn things, ask the questions and find the answers.
I guess what I’m saying with all of this is be an open supportive parent. Don’t ever put your kid down because trust me, they will remember those words for a long time even once you’ve forgotten they were said.
I hope I’ve given some good advice here that my readers will take in and consider.
This post was also inspired by The Daily Post word prompt: Sing. Amazing what one word can too, think of this post as a bit of a siren song then? A song, a call to listen.
Good luck and happy parenting,
Until next time,