The Struggle To Talk

I want to begin something I planned for this blog from the very beginning when my first one finished and this one began about six months later.

Now I’m well into my third month and I guess it’s time I get myself to talk about it because it really is important to me. The subject at hand? Mental health as people like to put it. Or, my brain not quite working right in producing its chemicals. Or struggling with depression and anxiety. You can put any name on it you want to I guess. The name shouldn’t matter should it? It’s just what I’m going through in my mind, in my life. But it’s also what who knows how many others go through and more, worse.ย 

At some point along the way I decided I liked being able to help people. I don’t know when, but ever since I’ve always been a friend ready to help and talk through problems. Because longย before I was given my diagnosis, I was struggling. And I always felt that if I was miserable, what was it to try and make sure someone else wasn’t. That’s how I lived. How I grew because I didn’t want to live anymore.
I was 12 years old.

So that’s where this all began, but by no means has it come to an end. I’ve come to my conclusion that it never really does, because that’s the way life works. That doesn’t mean I can’t be happy, even if that’s still something I can struggle with on a day-to-day basis.

As I continue writing this post, I’m on a bad day. One of those ones where you find yourself just blank. The world doesn’t quite feel real and neither do I. Then comes the decision do I just go to bed or do I cry. Today is ending in a mix of the two. Along with some blogging at long last.

Honestly, I don’t know where to go with this anymore. There are so many things to talk about. From how it all began, to where I am now and all the stages in-between. Talking about it has never been easy for me. I’m too private, withdrawn. I pull back far too easily and distance myself as a solution. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to talk. I want to share. I want to hear other stories, give advice, receive advice. I want to add to the support that’s out there. This happens to be that beginning.

So thanks to my followers and readers that have been here so far. I hope you’ll take part in this newest part of my blog, the new introduction into my mind.
Time to see where this part of the adventure takes me.

That’s all I have at the moment. I don’t know if I got my message across well, maybe for some I did, others I didn’t.

To sum up, my goal is to give a support to others out there, struggling like me and unlike me. In all their different, unique ways.

Until next time,

Shayla

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3 thoughts on “The Struggle To Talk

  1. Hey Shayla

    It sounds like you have quite a story to tell. You’ve made the right choice in trying not to put it all into one post. It would nigh on impossible I am sure!

    Just tackle one issue at a time. If you’re anything like me, you’ll finish a post with some measure of disappointment because there is so much you’ve had to leave out or dilute to the nature of blog entries. But then I struggle with perfectionism, so things may differ with you.

    Do you know what your first post will be on? Will it focus on a current issue or just a certain aspect of your thoughts on a particular situation? Sometimes the latter can be more therapeutic.

    Anyway, I’ll stop rambling on now – I look forward to seeing what you post either way ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

    1. That would be one realllly long post haha.
      And thanks, that’s the plan, same way I tackle life I suppose; one thing at a time. Certainly I’m already struggling with just putting it in a blog post, this one was hard because I couldn’t quite find the balance of how much I wanted to say.
      I have a few ideas where I might begin. Maybe explain my diagnosis and how I got to that point. Or even just my mood at the time of writing the post.
      It’ll probably be much more of the latter!
      Love the rambling now worries, thanks so much for the comment and the supporting words!

      Like

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