Diagnosis. What comes with mental health. The label they give you to explain what’s wrong with your brain. Why your thoughts just aren’t quite right. There are so many ways to look at it, and when I reread that line it sounds more like a negative way. I’m a pessimist and it seems more like a fact. But that’s not the full story. It never is.
There are so many out there, the labels, the diagnosis possibilities. From depression to bipolar to schizoprenia and more.
Some people hate these labels, others cling to them, then there’s the inbetweeners. Recently these labels have been coming up between my mom and I, mostly due to the problems I was having with my most recent medication, which you can read about in The Medication Life.
My mom’s side? Too many people now have depression and anxiety. She continues to point out to be that everybody has it. It’s there for all of us and it comes and goes. That is true enough; nobody goes through life without experiencing either of those things. But regular people don’t consider death to escape it or alcohol and drugs to hide from it. Even if people don’t go that far I realize it’s more extreme than it should be. Because perhaps my mom thinks it’s this way since when she was young, you didn’t talk openly about these kinds of struggles. Stigma has always been there and I bet most people went through their entire lives not realizing they were experiencing depression. They just thought something was wrong with them.
That’s where my point in this comes to play. I knew back when this all first started, I shouldn’t be constantly plagued by thoughts of death and the peace behind it. I shouldn’t still sometimes get stuck there, in that idea of peace by dying. I shouldn’t be thinking a mile a minute about saying a single sentence. That last one especially though, I never realized that wasn’t normal. Anxiety is still so unpublic, I thought that was normal. To stress about what I said to someone for a month, or to plan all of my sentences before I dared raise a hand in class.
That’s why the diagnosis matters to me.
Because suddenly I realized the struggle through that wasn’t really what should be happening. That needing to curl up and not being able to breath right or think properly was a panic attack
Now it’s a matter of facing the fact that, yes I have anxiety and depression. No, it’s not exactly normal, but I’m not the only one facing those struggles. It’s that message.
I’m not alone.
The diagnosis establishes lines and explains things I’ve struggled with. It makes it possible to rationalize. So for me it’s something I want. This is why I’m contemplating getting a full assessment done after my doctor put me on Abilify, an antipsychotic primarily used for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, which also happened to be the first drug I felt a difference with. If it weren’t for the weight gain it caused, I’d remain on it.
Now it’s moved on to that, is not just depression and anxiety? Is it something else? Then what is it? I have that need to know simply to settle something in my mind. I actually don’t know how else to explain that.
I guess in the end, once I went to a psychiatrist, things began to feel better alongside the counselling and medicine because as I said before, I could settle. Now I guess I might be doing that all over again.
Do you have an experience with diagnosis that is similar?
Are the labels good or bad?
Love to hear other thoughts and opinions, either leave a reply or comment privately through here:
Until next time,