My Diagnosis – And Why It Means Something

Diagnosis. What comes with mental health. The label they give you to explain what’s wrong with your brain. Why your thoughts just aren’t quite right. There are so many ways to look at it, and when I reread that line it sounds more like a negative way. I’m a pessimist and it seems more like a fact. But that’s not the full story. It never is. Continue reading “My Diagnosis – And Why It Means Something”

The Medication Life

Without a doubt I have been in a major dry spell for posts for the past few weeks. My apologies for that because I miss it and I miss talking with other bloggers out there in the community. With that in mind I thought I’d take the chance to talk about the topic I spoke about in a post awhile back, The Struggle To Talk.

Because as it goes, once you get diagnosed, in comes the medication. It’s not going to take long and it’s a simple fact apparently.

As I believe I said in my last post about mental health and my life, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, that was done over a year ago now, during March 2015 as my mother found out for the second time that I was suicidal and I hit a new all time low in my short life. Before long I was going to the hospital an hour away from home to see the doctors they had there dedicated for teen mental health. The psychiatrist appointments began along with counselling for the umpteenth time in my life. The new part? Medication. Or, my meds.  Continue reading “The Medication Life”

Punishing Yourself

This post was inspired by Daily Post word prompt: Punishment

Weight. 

Crushing down upon your head. Bruising and pounding. Trapped in the ground.

Thorns. 

Wrapping tightly won’t let go. Every word, every touch. Brings in closer the looming pain.

Knives. 

Sharp and clear. Pierce your skin. Blood runs down. The pain returns.

Rope.

Tempting, taunting. What holds me back? Pain releasing. Tears unfurling. 

Life.

Laughter and light. Lies and betrayal. Pain and pleasure. Not time for goodbye. 

The Struggle To Talk

I want to begin something I planned for this blog from the very beginning when my first one finished and this one began about six months later.

Now I’m well into my third month and I guess it’s time I get myself to talk about it because it really is important to me. The subject at hand? Mental health as people like to put it. Or, my brain not quite working right in producing its chemicals. Or struggling with depression and anxiety. You can put any name on it you want to I guess. The name shouldn’t matter should it? It’s just what I’m going through in my mind, in my life. But it’s also what who knows how many others go through and more, worse.  Continue reading “The Struggle To Talk”

An Empty Cliff

The cliff looms before me
The journey below left unseen

From behind,
Words ring true.
Unpleasant and cruel,
I believe them too.
One step, two step, edge creeps closer

From Behind,
A smack echoes clearly
Startling an wrong,
I wince just barely.
Closer and closer to the ledge

From behind,
Creeps a world of cold.
Joyless and empty,
Where my life is told.
Feet go forward, one in front of the other.

Dare turn back,
Sounds the whispers
You are not missed
What lies behind right now,
You are nothing in their midst.
One step, two step.

Make it, jump it, whispers the wind.
It calls and screams.
Beckons forward.
Another step.

A tear, trailing to the frigid ground.
Closer to the edge.
Whispers of both,
With what they allege.
Next step.

A look, a glance.
To over the edge.
The cliff looms and cries
One soul to another above the ledge.
A smile, so strange.
Holding secrets aplenty
Eyes, suddenly new.
A look to beyond, then

Gone

~Shayla

 

No Explanation

Depression is not something with a clear cut definition
Whatever it is, all that I know, is it has one clear mission
Day after day, night after night, it is trying to kill me
I try to explain, as I fight through each day, I just need you to see
It is not something  I can explain, for that I am sorry
I wish you could help, but every time it’s just the same story
What’s wrong? I don’t know.
What upset you? I don’t know.
Well if you don’t know then what could be wrong?
Everything.
Anything as I am dragged along this road
That is far too long.
All of these thoughts cut so deep
They are the constant reasons for why I weep
This is not something I can explain
It already makes me go insane
What else do you want me to say?
When it’s not just going to go away.

~Shayla

 I’ve been thinking for awhile that this is something I wanted to add onto my blog. So when the inspiration strikes I’ll be adding my own poetry up. Hope you guys like it, love to hear any thoughts and/or critiques.